Dropping by "Smallville" S8 Finale

While I'm still trying to make up a "top stupidest MGS3 moments" (hey, it's harder than it sounds), let's have a look at a couple of season finales.

First one is Smallville. I've said before I don't watch "Smallville" anymore, but I dropped by for the season finale. Since I passed up on most other episodes this year, I can't say whether it was inconsistent with past episodes. What I can say is that it was perfectly consistent with the exhausting mediocrity of Smallville-past.

So, the episode starts with Rokk (a.k.a. Cosmic Boy, a Legionnaire from the 31st Century) flying toward the Daily Planet. And here's the first problem with this episode in the first 2 seconds; HE'S FLYING. We still have to sit through Clark pulling a "Flash" for transportation. The grand-daddy of superheroes, who is synonumous with flying and he still runs... but apparently they have the budget to show everyone else fly. BULL. FUCKING. SHIT.

You know when things start like that, it can't possibly go any better. Rokk warns Clark of the danger Doomsday poses and tries to pursuade him to get him to the 31st Century, where the Legion is prepared to fight him. The discussion that follows is a rather... perplexing one. Top-to-bottom, it makes no sense. Rokk says that Doomsday might kill Clark, which is ridiculous, because Rokk is from the future... from a group inspired by Superman... who is Clark Kent... who, at this time, is not yet Superman... which means that Doomsday doesn't kill Clark and Rokk's just wasting our time. They also argue about destiny and other loud shit like that, despite the fact that they both know the future can changed and they have, in fact, done it at least once already. Hint boys: FATE AND DESTINY ARE MOOT POINTS WHEN YOU CAN CHANGE THEM.

So, what follows? Crap. Lois blames Clark for not looking for Chloe, even though she herself is just sitting around doing nothing. Clark mans up for two seconds and writes a letter to the people of Metropolis, in case he does die, then calls Lois to tell her. The scene actually plays out quite nicely, in a traditional Superman/Lois way, even with Smallville's usual bullcrap of voice-modifiers and ultra-lame nicknames like "Red-and-Blue-Blur". Which reminds me; how did that ever stick? I know it couldn't possibly make for a good headline. It's like they go out of their way to remove this show from the Superman mythos. Another hint: Superman is a ridiculously simplified, yet catchy and descriptive name. That's why it stuck.

Clark later assembles the League and acts like a leader, which is perplexing since I'm left to understand he's not even a member and boots Oliver "Twist-ed" Queen, who has apparently turned over to the dark side. I hate it how they've turned the Green Arrow into a mischaracterized Batman. It's not that Batman would cross that line (Oliver is more likely, actually), but the dynamic between the two is not one that fits Superman and the Arrow. Anyway, the League's supposed to track down Davis Bloom, who is really Doomsday and Chloe and use Black Kryptonite to split the man Davis from the monster inside him.

However, the plot remembers that Oliver pays for everything behind the League, so Canary and Impulse turn to douches and backstab Clark. They shoot a Kryptonite dart on his back, which convinienty isn't enough to kill him. It's still enough, though, to get him to freeze on the ground without as much as an attempt to take it out. They leave and kidnap Chloe and Davis.

But Jimmy finds Clark, while looking for Chloe (I think), takes the dart out and finds out Clark's secret. OK, Jimmy either dies or gets frenched by Clark and forgets all about it. We'll see.

So, Clark catches up to the Justice Douches, but a bit too late; Chloe managed to use the Kryptonite on Davis and split him from Doomsday, much to the League's dismay. Tiny issue? Doomsday knocked all of them aside (he wasn't in the killing mood, I guess) and started rampaging through Metropolis Downtown. Clark tells Jimmy to take Chloe somewhere safe and goes after Doomsday.

Clark and Doomsday punch each other a couple of times in one of the most awkward fight scenes in the history of the show (it was short, it was overblown as usual and I kind of lost track of when it ended) and... I guess that scene is done. What else do we have?

Ah, yeah, minimum-wage-paid photographer Jimmy Olsen had bought a very expensive loft for Chloe when they were going to get married and takes her there. One of their typically RIDICULOUS, BLAND love scenes follows, fucking up Chloe's character even more in the process (awww, you bought me a loft? I still love you!), until a jealous Davis sneaks up on them (apparently the loft has no doors) and shoves a metal... something through Jimmy. They fight and kill each other.

DUDE! Did Jimmy Olsen just die? Well, sort of. As it turns out, that wasn't the real Jimmy; that was Henry James Olsen, the big brother of James Bartholomew Olsen. Heh, that's not gonna be awkward at all when he meets the gang in the Planet in x years. Now, here is where most of the show's fans take issue and they have every right to. I knew long ago that this show had jumped the shark so spectacularly it should join a circus, but apparently others didn't share my insight. Much as I want to laugh in their face, there is a point I need to make here; don't be too quick to blame this on the current team, especially those of you who miss the dynamic duo of shitiness, Alfred Gough and Miles Millar. As it turns out, from a recent interview with Aaron Ashmore, who played Jimmy in Smallville, DC took issue with Jimmy's age in the show from the start. They didn't want a Jimmy who was as old as Clark and Lois, so they were relactunt about letting him in the show.

But Gough and Millar, showing yet again their complete disregard for the source material, ensured DC that by the end of the show, they'd reveal this Jimmy wasn't the real Jimmy. Why? Because, apparently, they saw plenty of potential in using the character. So, what was that potential, according to the show itself? A dull comic relief, that was a convenient deus ex machina whenever the show didn't have a better one handy, without any logical backing most of the time and spent most of his screen-time wrecking our nerves through his unconvincing, badly written and badly executed relationship with Chloe. POTENTIAL. God, I hope they never get a job again. Not as showrunners, anyway.

Last but not least, let's not miss the chance to add another pint of arbitrary drama; Clark apparently realizes finally he's been holding back too much and decides to "kill" the human side of his and cut everyone off from his life. Really guys? OK, it's not completely out of character for Superman to do that, but this Clark Kent doesn't get to even consider the possibility. What, we have to go through ANOTHER EIGHT SEASONS until he gets over that phase now? It's pointless, it sets up nothing, it offers nothing. Here's the thing nobody ever got on this show: Superman LIKES his powers. He KNOWS they're a gift of sorts. He doesn't whine for eight years, because they stop him from nailing Lana in his barn. And while it seems these guys finally got it... they didn't! They're doing the same thing! Clark STILL doesn't like his powers. He still doesn't see what good he can do with them, not despite but BECAUSE he's also a human.

Remember "Lois and Clark"? It's ridiculous how much bad rep this show has, when it was -in fact- fairly faithful to the character. Early in the first season, Clark locked away his costume believing he was doing more harm than good. You know why? Not because of Clark, not because of his powers, but because of Superman. The symbol. The target. NOT THE FUCKING POWERS. Smallville's Clark needs to fucking grow up. Throwing angry fits and being a passive agressive ass isn't manning up, It's like changing the side of a tape filled with shitty songs; it's still the same fucking tape. GROW UP. Asshole.

Oh, yeah, also Lois got transported with a Legion ring, but that was stupid and Zod's back, because god forbid this show tries something original.

Overall, it was crap. I sort of... kind of... well, I didn't hate it, probably because I've been out of the loop and I'm not bothered by the usual shittiness as much. I find it funny, though, that even the hardcore Smallville fans (who, I'll be quick to remind, like the hardcore Superman Returns fans belong in a fandom of their own, which is IN NO WAY RELATED TO THE SUPERMAN FANDOM) seemed to hate this one. And in a sense, they are right. For a season finale, it was pretty... weak. Literally. Previous season finales were dramatically awful, badly written all around, but they were at least overblown. They made a lot of noise. This one didn't, which isn't a bad thing onto itself (quite the opposite, if you ask me), but it kind of forgot to balance that lack of noise with good drama.

This show needs to get its shit together. It keeps going and going, without aim, rhyme or reason. Back in the first couple of seasons, despite the occasional stupidity of mutated freaks and other shit like that, the show felt fresh, it had some good drama here and there and played out the young Superman gimmick right. It hasn't done that again since. "Smallville" has long outlived its purpose, but it's a money-maker, so it's not going anywhere anytime soon. If you want to make it right, get Welling in a suit. You can't play the will-be-Superman card anymore. If Welling doesn't want to wear a suit, break it to him that he's over 30 and this is the only role he's known for. I really do hope he gets a decent job outside this show, but being known as Superman may not be the worst thing in the world. If that doesn't work out... I don't know what to tell you. You could always just change the direction of the show and have Superman in it, without ever actually showing him. Which is doable and interesting, playing everything from Clark's angle, but I assume it would alienate your demographic, which threw away the concept of a functional brain a long time ago.

Whatever you decide to do, do it fast. My Superman-obsession will probably get me to have a look at early next season, but the show itself certainly didn't give me a reason.